Let me begin with a story. My own again.
When I got a role which I really never thought I could. It made me feel enthused. Maybe even more energetic. The determination made me work harder than I knew. I didn't realize I was doing it at a cost. A cost that I never realized.
The next few roles were even more ambiguous. For someone else, the ambiguity could be the reason they wouldn't even take up the role. For me, it was different. The challenge of climbing another peak, maybe I could experience what a mountaineer feels, only not at the risk of losing my life though. It hit hard, let me dare to say. It hit home, recently. Entangled in completing a course, working a job including endless hours, having a mentor, who was always awe-inspiring by his breadth and depth of knowledge and wisdom. I cannot say it wasn't enjoyable. I should actually say I loved it. Then came the price, I was paying.
Do you ever realize the price you pay for that extra hour you worked in the office just to prove your mettle? Maybe, sometimes and most times not.
Let me step back a little. The time we spend with people we feel connected to. The feel it gives, the experience of it, feels underrated at all times. How does it make me feel? No words can describe the feeling of being connected.
And what happens when you don't feel connected for a year? Tough to say. For me, it went a lot like I don't know myself anymore. Sometimes it's difficult to find me again. Yes, most people don't know me that way. They have seen me stand for people, be brave, fight for what is right, etc. Now I don't know. Maybe sometimes I get a glimpse. Most days its difficult. The stress ages you mentally and physically.
This was my quarantine rant which I had kept unpublished with a promise I will look back at it at some point in time.
Yes, I have improved. My experience helps me understand my colleagues better. I treat them more as humans and less as resources today. Its not all transactional. Its a lot more to do with connecting to people as people and not as a colleague.
Everyone loves to be asked how they are doing, but very few wait for the answer or even listen to it genuinely. Today, I am proud I listen. And I listen with intent. I remember next time I talk on how the person was going through some tough time, celebrated something or anything in specific that was happening in their life. It helps me feel connected. Feels like I make a difference to myself by not being transactional.
